A Very British Christmas...


Christmas pantomimes have long since been about terrible jokes, things going wrong, shouting at the stage, men in drag, and audience participation.

Z list celebrities turning up to switch on the town Christmas lights.

The more obscure the boyband/status of relative to a celeb the better quite frankly. The fancy pants streets of London might get a real celebrity like Katie Price for the occasion, but other places such as most of the north have to do with Jim Davidson.

Leaving booze out for Father Christmas.

While kids in the US leave out milk and cookies for “Santa” we leave out some sort of booze and a mince pie. This is because we actually appreciate Father Christmas and know the only way to pull off a 24hr shift is to have booze involved. Also, last we checked there are no laws against drinking and flying? Not sure. Oh, and a carrot for a reindeer


Because what meal is not VASTLY improved with gunpowder, toys, paper hats, and jokes? All of the jokes are genuinely the best you have ever heard don't you dare @ me about this. Everyone has to read them out and belly laugh under pain of death.

Wearing paper hats to eat Christmas dinner.

Everyone looks universally stylish and festive at the same time.

Having barrel-sized tins of chocolates in your house.

At Christmas, it is traditional to have large tins of sweets for yourself. They are meant to be for guests but let's be honest you're the ones that end up eating the majority of them.

Terry's Chocolate Oranges.

Oranges. But they're made of chocolate. Champion.

Pigs in blankets.

I think we out American’d the Americans with this one. Their version is a pastry thing with a sausage in the middle (Sausage roll essentially). Ours however, are sausages wrapped in delicious, delicious bacon, oh yaaaaaa.

Setting fire to a Christmas pudding.

Like most things at British Christmas the dessert contains a lot of booze. It is traditionally doused in brandy and set on fire. And then served with more brandy/alcoholic drink than you desire.

Drinking excessive amounts of booze.

We do the lot, sherry, port, brandy, sloe gin, whatever your uncle has made for that year. As well as other spirits and beers that will make you fall asleep in front of the TV in no time.

Christmas Day walk.

At a certain point on Christmas Day (most of the time it is after the Queens speech) someone in the family will decide that everyone has been inside too long, so you will don your new coat and take a stroll to the local countryside, (if you happen to live there). It is also tradition for children/teenagers to complain about this every year since all they want to do is play with their new toys.

Boxing Day.

Boxing Day is like Christmas hangover (it's better than it sounds). It's a public holiday like Christmas Day, so everyone gets at least a couple days off. Which are either spent at the Boxing Day sales (the British version of equivalent of Black Friday) or sitting at home being smug about not going to the sales.

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